pissed..

Doing: ICQing..
Music: No idea again..
Mood: Confused..?

Hmm..
rainy days.. you like rainy days? sky is red.. air is cold.. to most its just another rainy day, cool to sleep.. but somehow, somewhere, there are people who can't get any shuteye.. just like me.. and i bet in some corners in this world, there are people crying, suffering, or even dying as i'm blogging right this moment.. this is how the world goes.. i guess..

well, today aren't really a good day.. since when have i been having any good days anyway? i'm cold.. furthermore i've been sick for quite some time already.. i guess no one will ever realise i'm sick.. cause i don't show them i am.. but i'm feeling sick.. all these while i haven't been feeling well at all.. it aren't any big illnesses, but i'm just not feeling right.. nevermind.. who cares anyway..

today aren't really a great day for many i know too..
- poor Vannessa got retrenched for no particular reasons.. had her complaining to me the whole afternoon..
- poor Brian got rejected, although he doesn't really care.. he's just trying his luck.. lol.. that bastard.. he's just another playboy who's damn flirt.. i guess those girls whom had any relationships with him just aren't in luck.. ought to be shot.. bastard..
- poor poor Fion.. got ditched by her 'good and caring' bf.. serves her right.. told her i saw her bf holding hands and hugging with someone else, she just won't listen.. i'm no backstabbers, but i think she ought to know the truth.. its just too cruel to be left in the dark not able to differentiate between reality and fantasy.. she cried to me just now.. and my heart nearly soften up once more for her.. well.. once bitten twice shy.. i'm not going to be that stupid anyway Fion.. nice try..
- hmm.. poor Wendy is rushing her project as i'm typing here.. haha.. poor thing..
- ke lian de Jialin is having headaches.. so poor thing.. i bet she won't touch those panaldos too.. i pray she'll be better next morning.. if not she'll be very miserable in school.. sigh.. poor thing..

so what about me you ask? what happened to me today? ha.. i didn't go to school today.. overslept.. didn't hear my alarm go off.. and by the time i woke up my lessons were already over.. my classmates called asking me to come school.. i was like 'HUH?' the lecturer wanted me to join him at his 3pm lesson.. he told me today's lesson is kinda important.. but seriously.. who cares? who would wanna go school at 3pm just to attend his stupid and boring lessons? would you? i won't.. i swear i won't.. =]

i spent the whole day at home today, with my mom, accompanying her.. eh, my grandpa, my father's dad, he was hospitalised few days back.. so in the end the whole family went to visit him once again, without me of cause.. not like i'm so bad as i didn't visit him.. maybe i'm just too sad to see him pass away if the time comes.. but hey, heard from my mom he goner get discharged quite soon.. he will be spending the rest of his life on a wheelchair though, and he needs someone to take care of him.. not my grandma of cause.. she can't even take care of herself nowadays.. well, it goes this way.. my grandma and grandpa lives together in a 4 room flat nearby.. and my house is the nearest to theirs.. all their other children moved away after they got married, leaving the both of them there.. so, if my grandpa needs someone to take care of him now.. a maid, or maybe even a nurse, must be hired to take care after them.. here's where reality plays a part.. although some of my father's brothers and sisters are damn filthy rich, they just won't spare a cent.. and here's the interesting part.. my father has the chance to pay all my grandpa's hospital bills.. and my father just keeps quiet about it.. well, my family aren't rich.. or should i say my family's quite poor.. although the bills are still affordable, its straining everyone in this family.. the same goes to me too.. well, my father is a filial son.. i guess i have no choice.. that's my father's only good point too.. =]

actually i'm very confused nowadays.. seems like i still can't get rid of my bad habit? in the past, everytime i get to know someone new.. or even when i get to know someone better, if she's my type, i will like her no matter who she is.. lol.. sound stupid? i ought to get shot too.. together with that bastard Brian.. so now this makes me a bastard too.. maybe i really am.. furthermore, i realise 1 point.. although i really like her, but it seems like i can't get along with her well, and that usually means even if we're together, it won't be that nice after all? so should i just give up like this? i'm feeling so confused.. SO DAMN CONFUSED!!! i guess even if i want to, she won't be my girlfriend after all.. who needs such a guy anyway.. he aren't rich.. he didn't have the looks.. he aren't good.. and he's just a sore loser.. furthermore he's a bastard.. seriously.. who can save this guy? she must be some god damn godness.. lol.. =]

enough for the day.. seems like july aren't my month after all.. i endured too much rubbish lately.. really goner get it all out somedays.. i used to play people and get rid of them just to have fun and kill time.. hope i won't go back to my usual habits once again.. lol.. don't think i will.. that's ages ago.. and i swear i won't ever play anyone again.. and maybe that's the reason why i'm having my retribution now.. lol..

to all guys out there: don't be like me!
to all girls out there: don't like people like me!

Doing: ICQing..
Music: No idea..
Mood: Numb..

Haven't been blogging much lately, missed me?
hmm? wasup? life sucks, as usual.. this aren't the first day you know me.. ha! if you're expecting something new then forget.. wait all you wish to, i'm not interested.. seriously i'm not really in a good mood now, so maybe i should just heck care~ =]

so what did i do today? went school, studied for 2 hours, went for lunch, then headed down for billard, then arcade, then mac, then finally got home at 11+pm.. so? meaning i did nothing for the whole day, zhuo bo.. did have a fun time chatting with Jiarui at the mac, but its kinda bored though.. two guys sitting at the mac chatting away for hours.. and what we got to chat about are only lame jokes.. not schooling tomorrow, so here i am wasting away, trying to get my sleeping mood.. whatever..

well, tests and projects are finally over, for her.. but for me, its still the usual cold treatment i receive.. i called, but she rather watch tv.. yeah, maybe dao-ming-si looks much better than me, but somehow i feel really unjust.. why can't she pay more attention on me? not like she should, but won't life be much better then? at least for me i guess.. always hearing her saying about her great and nice and caring god brother.. and the way she describes him suggested to me both of them are really spending much time together.. although i know, somehow, they won't have any other relationships other than brother and sister, the only thing she is providing me with is only plain jealousy.. i can only get jealous over her god-bro, as i guess he's the only guy whom's getting all her attention.. i'm really really feeling down..

so what to do? maybe i should pray hard? but what for, to me there are no GODs.. even if there are, so many good guys are waiting for their help.. why should they help someone who's always talking bad stuff about them? lol.. i won't be surprised being struck by lightning someday..

i will keep calling her i guess.. not everyday everynight, for she will definately be tired of me.. although she's not like any other gals around, she's still human after all.. can't really blame her, don't think i stand a place in her heart anyway.. i'm just a nobody, some strangers maybe.. i do understand when people don't reply sms or pick up calls, cause i'm one of them.. but, why her.. sigh.. retribution? what i did to others, she doing it to me.. lol.. hate that..

yeah yeah, maybe those reading this blog of mine are really starting to get sick of me and my complaining.. i know i hate losers, and i definately sound like one.. but i just can't seem to help it? i really like her.. for some god damn reasons i dunno why! so what should i do? i can't control my feelings can i? even if i can i'm just faking it! damn.. maggie was right.. love sucks, to me, but i still need it badly.. no choice.. can't live without them..

seriously, i guess no one's goner read all this shit.. jialin? nah.. she's busy with her own, and it seems like i'm not someone close to her either.. she won't mention anything about me unless she's being told.. guess i'm just no close to her.. maggie? guess not too.. not cherry, not jacq, not shela.. and definately TingTing.. cause if she really do read my blogs, she might as well either asking me to give up on her now before i got worse, or telling me i still have my chances.. but i know she won't, if she do, i guess its more like the 2nd option.. =]

rainy days.. soaked in heaven's tears.. even heaven is crying out for me..

i'm just so useless..
and i should learn to be more useful..
wish me luck pals.. whoever you are.. i need it..
i'll work hard.. i definately will.. i won't give up.. over my dead body..
i really like her..